Should I let my toddler watch TV?

Do screenz meanz whinez?

Some people prefer to listen instead of read so I’ve added a voiceover. Clever clever. This one features my haunted printer and also a complete inability to say the word ‘tempting’. Temptatating. Temptating. Enjoy.

Q: I don’t know what to do. I’ve read and listened to a lot about screentime and how it is bad for children but then there’s loads of kids TV so it can’t be that bad. I watched TV when I was little, it was great! To be honest, I’m exhausted (my daughter is three) and TV provides a really good break for me. But then I feel really guilty about it, like I’m letting her down, and also sometimes it feels like once she’s had TV then it's all she wants so then she’s really grumpy with me when I say no more. What is the right amount? Or should I suck it up and ban screens completely til she’s older?

A: I feel for you. It is hard to make a decision about this. There is a lot of high-stakes chatter regarding the role of screens in the downfall of the next generation and the decline of civilisation itself. The short answer is there is no evidence-based right amount[1] so you need to make your own choices based on your child and your life. I’m going to go through some of the issues so that, hopefully, you can feel clear-headed about the decisions that you do make.

Let’s start with that word “screentime”. It’s good to be immediately suspicious of articles which rely on that term; for me, it is a flag of superficiality. How can one draw conclusions about a concept that includes online dance tuition as well as staring slack-mouthed and dead-eyed at the telly[2]? We don’t call reading, colouring, drawing, word puzzles and note-writing “papertime”.  Screens are the method, not the content. So, one tip from me to you is drill down into that phrase and be suspicious of articles which don’t[3]. I once read a headline that said it was screentime in lockdown which made children obese. WTF.

It's like bread. Yes. Bread is a neutral term. “I eat bread” means both the mainlining of marg on soft white sliced at every meal or chowing down on a seeded sourdough superfood sandwich once a day. For screentime, get specific. Have in mind the function; is it active or passive? What is your child getting from it; relaxation, inspiration, learning, motor skills, entertainment, general knowledge? Be intentional; e.g. “at this moment, watching TV is helpful because….”. Keep an eye on these reasons: if you are lapsing into days of “it’s helpful because I’m overwhelmed and exhausted” then there is a bigger picture to address.

The risk with TV and tablets is their ease. Much of the content is naturally engaging to children so it is easy for it to take up more of their time than activities which require more juice to get going. Whilst I think screens themselves offer little direct harm, they definitely have the potential to edge out other important activities. Physical movement, personal connection, thinking skills, creativity, and imagination – some are available via screens sure but a variety of modes is better for development. I am really rolling out the bread content here[4] but if you want an easy way to feel more in control, think “screen sandwich”. Just always do something intentional before and afterwards. Get the train set out (physical spatial skills), watch a bit of telly, read a story and talk about it (interpersonal connection and language skills). Lovely sandwich! Do some scribbling together, watch a bit of telly, then go for a walk. Delish! Don’t forget, you can incorporate ideas from TV to increase excitement for the other activities. Kickstart your child’s journey of imaginative play and perspective-taking by enacting Bluey or Dog Squad, and extend it by going off-script in character. I spent a large chunk of 2020 as Captain Barnacles and regret nothing.

Notice your child’s appetite, sleep, mood, and motivations. If one doesn’t seem optimum, consider screens and switch them out for other things. Take on board feedback from externals: if your health visitor or nursery staff express concerns about your child’s development, particularly language or behaviour, have a think about whether screens have eaten up time for things like socialising, outdoor play, conversation, or guided play. Whilst play is an innate impulse, some children find it hard to get themselves going and they need you to unlock the fun in bricks, or toy cars, or the sand tray. Children can get overwhelmed by their play options and they will revert to the easiest one; the TV or the tablet. It doesn’t mean they like TV more; just that it is more visible, predictable, and easy.

Screens are the method but consider the content. What activities are on offer? Programme watching, educational apps, world-building games, puzzles, music. Just to add to your mental load[5]; the content within each of these categories is not equal either. There is some wildly sh*t children’s content and there is some truly excellent stuff. Be super careful of YouTube; there is some developmentally decent stuff on there but there are also no standards for uploaded content and it shows. Don’t rely on YouTube “Kids” to be your filter. Likewise, apps and games: find trusted brands or developers and check the reviews[6]. Supervise and monitor.

On monitoring, it’s not just about checking age-appropriateness. Different children have different vulnerabilities and you might find certain things impact your child in unexpected ways. My young daughter for some reason turned into a monster after watching PJ Masks! Out of control! Maybe it was the frenetic short sequences of action, or the sensory overload of the audio coupled with darting visuals. Whatever it was, Owlette et al are persona non grata in my house and there are a couple of other programmes that seemed to have immediate detriment and they’re not allowed either. Some because they were too stimulating, and others because the characters were whiny and whingy and encouraged the same in their impressionable young viewer[7].

Speaking of not allowed…. This is the big point, I think. TV and tablet are appealing and they are engaging, and so they can be hard for a little mind to willingly leave behind. That means you must be in charge. That’s fine though; you’re the grown up and you should be in charge! You know more! There will be many things - not just screens - that you will know best about and you will need to be clear and consistent with your rules and boundaries.  It is likely that you’ll get some mighty tantrums thrown your way when you put your foot down and say TV off for now, no more tablet today.  Those tantrums are your chance to show your child that emotions are fine, that your boundaries are reassuring, and that they can trust you mean what you say. Tantrums are your child’s opportunity to feel their feelings, learn how to calm down and move on, and to exist with compromise. It’s all good.  Later, you may be glad they had the opportunity to develop those skills over something as easily fixed like putting the tablet down and going for a walk.

Does this all seem like a lot of hard work? It does! Would it be easier to ban screens until X age. Yes, probably. But you don’t have to. If you can apply the tips above then you won’t be inviting harm. Also, realistically, you won’t ban them forever and it can often be easier to embed good habits, family rules, and a general lack of tempting mystery if you start young. But it’s up to you. That’s my point: don’t let scaremongers, lazy headlines, or Insta-grifters frighten you away from making sensible choices and staying in control

Lastly, just wedging this in at the end: we see children on tablets in public all the time. Try not to be tempted to assume that these strangers’ children are always glued to their screen. Often, by definition, the fact you can see them means they are out of their natural habitat. On a train, in a restaurant, in a dentist waiting room. Likely, their parent has made a decision that the tablet is in everyone’s best interests at that moment. Sure, maybe they could be doing something better but maybe they’ve been doing better all morning and want a rest from being amazing[8]. Maybe Junior has just won gold in the national Under 10s debating competition and is now kicking back with the NYT online crossword. Maybe it has been a terrible day and he needs to chill out on Minecraft and forget the real world for a bit. Maybe it is homework. I don’t know and neither do you so let’s leave them to it and not despair. Hang fire on the judgement[9]. 

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[1] Even the official Royal College of Paediatrics and Child HEalth admit this in *their own guidelines* about screentime!

[2] no shade to this. Staring slack-mouthed and dead-eyed at my phone is an essential part of my wellbeing schedule

[3] even peer-reviewed research published by very clever people gets this wrong.

[4] I’m hungry I think.

[5] soz

[6] I couldn’t be bothered to do a lot of research at the time so for a while we only used the Cbeebies apps, of which there were many and all fantastic from a developmental perspective.

[7] Some children’s tv is so knowing and cynical, written to make adults laugh, that it makes the children characters incredibly annoying.  On the other hand, Topsy and Tim - whilst tooth-achingly saccharine - certainly taught my kid a thing or two about good manners.

[8] Don’t we all

[9] Unless it is really loud. In which case, carry on.